Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
