Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize