chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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