someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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