Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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