dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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