I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
