You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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