I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
