there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Your penis caused this!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
