Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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