He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
