Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
