Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You made out with two different species that night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
