chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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