Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this boner is exhausting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
