dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found the puke drawer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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