i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
