So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
