Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
