Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
