remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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