Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
