pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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