Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
