I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
