the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
