Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
