some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
