sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
not ubering you a puppy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
