And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
