So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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