ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They took my balls.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
