HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
