She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize