i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
