oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
