soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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