I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
