i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my liver is dry heaving
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
