just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
