Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
