WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize