I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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