Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
