i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Found your dick twin last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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