We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
