Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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