he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize