What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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