My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I FOUND THE LEGS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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