She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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