No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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