Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize