I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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