I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
