dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
