We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need to align my fucking chakras
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
