my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
