i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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