This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
